can my life get any more fucked up?
There’s too many things going on in my life and too little to really take in as a good memory. Lately I’ve been choosing the wrong paths and have been making a fool of myself. Here and there decisions are needed to make. The decision, here it comes: WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. that’s just how it is.
My family is pushing me to the edge. I do nothing or something and they both lead me to getting in trouble. Nothing I do seems right to anyone. Maybe this is why I’ve been fucking up most of the time. OK! i apologize for whatever i’ve done to those i’ve hurt but God, do I really deserve all these pain and suffering? You watch me everyday, you know what I’m thinking and yet things still pile up on me like a never ending punishment.
It seems that in my family, im the only one who’s really suffering. I know how evil these people can get; I mean i’ve been with them all my life. They’ve seen me grow up into who I am now, a pathetic excuse for a human. I am what they’ve made me. At least that’s what I would like to believe…but did they really make me into the person I am now? I had the choices and the decisions to make, but did they influence my decisions? I THINK SO. They tell me one thing, I put that in mind and when the right time comes, I choose the path that they believe is good for me…but where do I end up? RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED, another wrong decision.
Just the other day, I was minding my own business and my brother comes up to me and tells me to get the fuck outta the room just because he needed to shower. There were other restrooms beside the one in the master bedroom but he chose to use that one. I told him to use the other restroom but he didnt want to. So he smacked me and I pushed him and that led to a huge fight. Im the one who got all the bruises because I didnt really want to punch his face cuz he has pimples.. that’s just fucked up if i did that. He on the other hand used the tv remote to hit my face and head and kicked me around. I was soo pissed that I punched the tv. Me yelling really loud led my dad to come upstairs but he did nothing to that fucking asshole. He yelled at me. And later on my mom tells me that its my fault because i was annoying him. WTF KIND OF PARENTS ARE THOSE?? the only daughter and the youngest gets beat up for no fucking reason and they blame me?? Yes, thanks for the love.
With all that going on, my love life is just fucked up. I dont know if its even love anymore. All the good things about it are gone. I tried to find it again but its just not there…or maybe we’re just not there anymore. I find myself looking at the wrong places and ended up doing something awful. And the funny thing is, I dont regret it. My life is so fucked up that what I did doesnt compare to anything and I dont really care about it.
I hate the person I’ve become, but what I hate more is that I’m sitting here and not doing anything about it. The only thing to solve this really is to get the fuck out of this house and live my own life for once. Without them bringing me down all the time and finally enjoying the life that I choose to live. Hopefully that comes soon before the end of me.
